Skip to main content

Posts

Muse from the future

Year 2025: Former Boko Haram Member becomes commissioner in Bornu State.

  ALHAJI MUSA: This thing no fit happen, lie-lie…impossible! PATRICK: Of course, it can. In fact, it’s more likely to happen than not. And again, I don’t think FNN would publish a thing like this if they didn’t back it up with research and analysis. ALHAJI MUSA: My brother, forget that thing. E no fit happen! Is Boko Haram the federal government of Nigeria?  Nonsense, FNN should better remove this post. PATRICK: It’s the proposed amnesty program for Boko Haram members that would make it possible. It’s there on the post… the word “amnesty”. ALHAJI MUSA: Abeg commot with this amnesty nonsense. PATRICK: Remember that the Niger Delta militants were given amnesty…and rehabilitation… reabsorbed into the society and everything returned to normal for them and we had peace. ALHAJI MUSA: Bros, how can you give amnesty to murderers, rapers of children, kidnappers… PATRICK: I could you call them child rapers? You don’t have any evidence to that. ALHAJI MUSA: You! Can you...
Recent posts

Year 2029: Ajeokuta Steel Mill to rescue Nigerias Economy

STILL, STEALING STEEL?  AKPOS : Story, story!! Them go gree??... Ajeokuta Steel Mill wey them don chop die. PATRICK: I visited that place with my family last week just to show them what could have been… I cried the whole time. I wept at the massive loss of resources that has come to be the shame of this nation. AKPOS : Bros; you sef! Wetin carry you go there? PATRICK : It’s a form of education for my kids… that’s the way I see it. Our kids need to see the mistakes we’ve made so they don’t repeat it. There are some things we all need to see for ourselves. I can give you a ride to the place, if you care. This Future News concept is a great idea; it gets you thinking, doesn’t it?... there is hope anyway… hope for Nigeria. AKPOS : Bros, forget this your oyibo mentality, Nigeria don kpeme. This Ajeokuta Steel Mill na political chop chop. Them just build am so them go use am chop. The chopping dey like farmer wey chop seed wey im suppose use for planting.

Chuka Ihonor on the future of Lagos city

Chuka Ihonor is an architect, product designer and urbanist who studied Architecture, Building and Environmental Studies at University College London and The Architectural Association School London. He worked at Godwin & Hopwood in Lagos, and in 1994 he set up ARG Studio as Principal. He is the founder and Principal of Ci Studio; designers of furniture and other products. He is Chairman of the Board of Trustees at Open House Lagos and a member of Legacy 1995. He started 9H Media and runs 9H DesignTalk which hosts design events in Lagos.

Will you marry me?

The Poor Love Too (by Mark Lecuona) 2017 It feels like friends smiling in our home To love someone so much Who finds her shelter in my arms No matter how deep the dust in our eyes Or the fear in our minds The future is never enough to believe But a moment of love is forever   We were not born fighting But we know how life can be for others We try to think about the life in our hands It’s hard not to think of ourselves My children tell me they love me The older they get the more they know A simple man makes life simple for them   We try not to be afraid How much worse can life be We will not let it divide our home Who could love like those who survive People look down on us while they play Our hands carry the shame they assume But we built our cribs with those hands   We don’t care which side of the line we live Mother Mary carried her baby across They tell us how we should live our lives The love of our people is to...

Year 2038: No more "state of origin" in Nigeria.

Igbo agenda   WALE: fuck this. I know what this means. This is clearly an Igbo agenda. EMEKA: what do you mean? WALE: imagine if all the Igbos in all the states in Nigeria become full citizens of the states… Nigeria would become an Igbo country nah. You; think am nah! Already they are overrunning some states. We’re not gonna let it happen! EMEKA: Whatever happened to “one Nigeria.” Omo; I was born and raised in Lagos. I work and pay taxes in this state. WALE: na your type wan become governor for Lagos abi? What happened to your own state, it disappeared from the map? Abeg make I pass joor.

Year 2023: Pete Edochie denied Diaspora Club membership for his views on womanhood.

  Let’s swap husbands😳   It’s Jumoke’s birthday. There is A red Rav-4 SUV, 2019 model in front of the house. The car is decorated with colourful ribbons and balloons. It’s a birthday gift from her husband. Her friends and visitors are agog with excitement about the gift. Amidst the shindig, Jumoke sneaks into her bedroom with her best friend Aisha. JUMOKE : he is so unromantic. AISHA : you and this your husband sef. JUMOKE : the car wasn’t even a surprise the way a birthday gift should be. You know; blindfold me with a pink ribbon, take my hand, lead me sweetly to the car and remove the blindfold to show me the gift of my life. I would have wet my pants with joy. AISHA : Yes o JUMOKE : it was last month that He just told me that I need to have my own car that he would save money to get me one for my birthday. Now, he didn’t even show up for the birthday. What kind of husband is that? AISHA : Calm down my dear. Shebi he told you that his office refused to g...

Year 2027: First Nigerian to go to space